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RK,

You have a private message from this office. Please check your e-mail.

Thank-you

RK,

After leaving the office, I thought more about your situation on my way home and came up with some more thoughts and potential hopes I wanted to share with you.

Given the situation you and your wife are in, you may now have the upper hand in being a soldier for your wife. In some domestic violence cases, but not many, the abuser changes through the assistance of counselling and sometimes with the outcome of criminal, domestic violence charges.

I have seen cases wherein the abuser (your wife) promises to change if the victim (yourself) returns to reside with the abuser. More often then not, this is due to a real love (in marrages).

Not all abusers really love their victims. A great number of domestic violence victims are not married to their abuser. A great number of offenders are offenders due to a need or desire to controll.

In the cases I have seen wherein the parties are married, there is a much greater chance the abuser will change their ways and live a happy life with the victim. I personally believe this is because of their serious commitment made when they were married.

Abusers aren't evil, nor is what they do good. I know a former abuser who has dedicated a great deal of his time assisting this office and the Task Force Investigations, Domestic Violence Unit. This individual has confidentiality so I cannot tell you his name, but he has assisted us a great deal. With his assistance and co-operation, we have been able to cross reference his experience and testimony with that of other information retrieved through interviews and research.

I can work with you on this if you wish. Just e-mail my unit and include the user name you use here if you would like my help or assistance. My assistance is free of charge with no catches or tricks. I and other volunteers whom use this system or user name do what we do for free, period. My unit's e-mail address is:

efficient.pi@taskforceinvestigations.com

All information in this site, offered by this agency or any of it's affiliates, employees or units is strictly friendly conversation, cander and or stipulation. For official recommendations, advice or services, please contact efficient.pi@taskforceinvestigations.com or by posting a reply in a private message on this internet site. If you are in immidiate need of assistance in a domestic violence situation, we officially suggest calling 911 or going directly to a police station or domestic violence center for assistance. If you don't know what resources are available, we officially suggest you contact your local police department for information, wom will give you the information without you providing your name or any other details.

Rick,

First, I would like to thank you for contacting us and sharing your situation publically on this site. You have shown others, women arn't the only victims of domestic violence. Furthermore, I would like to commend you on your restraint. Biologically, it is harder for a man not to retaliate when assaulted.

In regard to your request for advice on what to do in court, I first would stongly recommend you get a copy of the order instructing your wife to ne evaluated. In the event the judge had made this a suggestion, I urge yout to get the transcripts from that hearing. You can get this by going to the court clerk's office in the courthouse you were seen in.

Second, I would recommend getting a child psycologist to your place of residence when the children are there on the weekends. The psycologist can be an expert witness at any trial or hearing and an incredibly valuable asset in a victory. You may be able to get this for free by contacting the same agency you visited, as mentioned in your message to us.

Third, it seems a little odd, considering the circumstances in which you left with your two boys, you left your daughter with her mother. However, I am not aware based on your report, of any risk to the new baby. Perhaps this is why?

I think it would also benefit you to contact child protective services. I feel they may be able to help you in many ways for free. The agents at your local child protective service office have pleanty of experience interviewing people and being able to tell if they are lying.

We would be happy to assist you in this matter, however, we don't have any funding available for investigative support at this time. If you are able to pay for the service or if you think you know a company or church whom can sponsor the investigation, let us know.

Also, if you would like us to try finding sponsors for you let us know.

Otherwise, please don't hesitate to contact us for advice or other assistance, here on this site or via e-mail.

Thank-you

All information in this site, offered by this agency or any of it's affiliates, employees or units is strictly friendly conversation, cander and or stipulation. For official recommendations, advice or services, please contact efficient.pi@taskforceinvestigations.com or by posting a reply in a private message on this internet site. If you are in immidiate need of assistance in a domestic violence situation, we officially suggest calling 911 or going directly to a police station or domestic violence center for assistance. If you don't know what resources are available, we officially suggest you contact your local police department for information, wom will give you the information without you providing your name or any other details.

Lets see, for me it all started back in mid 07. My wife had our 2nd child in May that year, the pregnancy was incredibly difficult for her, she couldn't wat a thing without it coming back up alomost immediately. Both my wife and unborn son were in danger throughout. It was also at this time that my wife began to change, I first noticed the severe mood swings. I always went to the OBGYN appointments with her and one time I spoke with the Dr about it and she told me that it was just hormones and we can expect it to subside after the birth. Well, 5 months after the birth I got hit for the first time by my wife, at my 40th B-day party, a friend of mine brought over some cigars, me not being a smoker I tried one. My wife came in and smelled it then she threw the ashtray across the room and busted me in my mouth. YES, in front of my guests! Then she started on our oldest boy then 6, at first it was smacking but in public she would pinch him in the fleshy part of the arm. Sometimes she would get som angry she would hit him with a wooden cooking spoon, leaving welts on him. There was littel I could do but to comfort him because she never did that around me. That same year she also had an affair, I tried to leave her but she shoved me into the door and scratched me with her nails, she then ripped my bag apart and threw my clothes aroudn the kitchen. Then she broke down crying and begging me not to leave her. I stayed! It took me about 7 months to get "close" to her again but she swore there was no sex in her affair. I took her to counselling twice, both times she quit. BUT, she started acting better toward us. Then we found ourselves pregnant again, this time it was much better. After the birth of our daughter in MArch 09 my wife became depressed again and cried alot, then the sleeping started. All day long she would sleep, other times she wouldn't sleep at all, then still other times she would sleep for 20 minutes and be up all night and day! I couldn't understand it. Then she started the hitting and raging over seemingly normal things to you or I but to her they were major issues. For example: Once I put the dishes in the drainer to dry FACING the wrong direction. She would often rage by herself, sometimes in the shower other times at the kitchen sink. For no reason KNown to me or the children.

Things never got better, I got laid off right after our daughter was born, but got called back 2 months later, she was very upset and didn't want me to go back to work, (LONG STORY) So, I stayed home and I fell in love with being home with my kiddos all the time. I raised my daughter with very little effort from my wife. My oldest son would clean up and go to his bedroom when mommy came home from work, if that says anything.

This past Feb 2010, she went into a rage over my not cooking her steak right for her. Didn't matter that I had the house cleaned, kids fed, bathed and ready for bed by the time she got home. Our then 2 y/o wnated to see mommy so I took him back downstairs to see her. She was eating and breastfeeding our daughter. My son put his head on her lap and said "mommy, I missed you, I love you" But he got his hiar in her salad and she hit the roof. She yanked him up by the arm (which was normal for her to do) then she dragged him across the living room and dropped him in front of the TV screaming for him to sit the F down and that allshe wanted to do was to come hme from work, eat and watch TV and not have to deal with these F-ing kids!

Well, I left her that night with my two boys, She  wouldn't let go of our lil girl and I didn't want an altercation involving the baby, so I just left. The boys and I went to a hotel, she called and called but I was on the phone with domestic violence and didn't answer. Two days later (Monday, the day I went to meet the DV people) my wife called me and begged me to come home and that she was SO VERY SORRY. I went home, within 20 minutes the police were there because she hit me in my head with a piece of firewood. Somehow, she managed to get out of the house with our daughter and ran to the neighbors house. But the police escorted me and the boys away, while "mommy" was locked in a patrol car.

The next day SHE filed a PFA against ME! For raping her three years prior, putting a gun to her head and video taping her and I having sex without her consent.. Only one thing is true, there were video tapes, but they were her idea and they were WITH HER CONSENT. Luckily, the judge saw the videos and told her she needed an eval and threw out the PFA. The next day she left the home and snuck the two lil ones out the back door all the while telling me that they were sleeping. Our oldest wouldn't go anywhere near here.

SO, now she has temporary primary custody of all three and I get to watch them on the weekends! How, can I combat a liar with family willing to lie to protect HER and not the children? I hope that when it goes before a Judge I can show all my evidence and the Judge will see what We all went through! We only had 2 hours for the custody meeting with a master and he decided that she have primary until court!

But, at least for the time being my children haven't been hit by her as they were before. The 3 y/o has been hit a few times that I was told by him.

All this time she made me have to ask for money, she hit me and the boys and she controlled just about every aspect of our lives. OUr children were NEVER allowed to take a bath or they woudl be "wallowing in thier own filth"! Have you ever heard of a child that has never played in a bath tub with toys before he was 8?

Water drops on the kitchen floor set her off, shoes not being in the right place, a wet floor in the bathroom spilled milk, drips from food all the normal things children do woudl  set her into a rage!

Well, I have had  enough for the night, I am just too worn out over all this.

RK from PA

Now that I think of it, I may have some resources to assist you in opening your non-profit. If you would like to discuss this more, message us privately.

fantastic! 

Suzanne

Hello, I would love to help you in any means that I can. Unfortunately I am financially not secure. But, I am launching my own non-profit in the name of all impacted by domestic violence and family abuse. The more I speak the more I am told.

 Its so prevalent that it's creepy.

Please read my profile story. I am going to create my own web page on which I will link to everybody that I am familiar with .. for services, products, whatever... if I know it to be good, I will have it there.

Thank you I hope we can help each other some how as we look to help the victims. 

I can't get over the nonprofits as they claim to want to help, trip over theirselves in the grant allocations... so they shut down rename reopen, leaving we victims suffering and forgotten. it is UNACCEPTABLE!

 Suzanne